Being the outsider,you would think that once the abused has finally escaped from the abuser,the worst is over. Well,yeah,the most difficult part is over but now it’s time for healing.
Honestly,picking yourself up after an abusive relationship is the most difficult thing to do. Why? Because the only thing that has been on your mind is how to get out and now that you’re out,you have no idea what to do. It’s like you’ve been living in a house that’s full of darkness with no space for light and now that you’re in the light,you get terrified,you don’t know what to do and for a nanosecond,you feel like you should go back to that house.
Yeah,your internal journey is only just beginning. You are now back in charge of your life and you have no idea what to do with it. Part of your journey will be painful,tough and rough but what should keep you going is the fact that you need to make something out of yourself and you absolutely can’t go back. No more violence,no more emotional damage,no more abuse. You are brand new. You have a chance to rewrite your own chapter,Heck! You can write a whole book! As part of the steps to recovery,here are some suggestions on what you should do:
On some days things don’t go as planned. You fall. Or fail. Or stumble.
It’s a part of a life well lived but how you look at and handle these dark or negative situations can have a huge impact on your life, success and happiness.
In this week’s article I’d like to share the best advice and thoughts on failure from the past from the people who walked this earth before us (well, quite a few of them are still here and walking among us).
This is 41 of the most motivating, though-provoking and helpful thoughts on failure and how to handle it from the past 2500 years.
What is your favorite quote on failure? Feel free to share the best one(s) you have found in this article or in your life in the comments section below.
Culled from: Positivity Blog
The written word is truly an amazing thing.
With the help of it we can record out innermost thoughts and spread them if we like.
With the help of the written word we can look far, far back into time, through the decades, the centuries and, yes, even the millennias.
Today I would like to look back into the past and see what the wise people who have walked on this earth can tell us about happiness and how to uncover it.
No matter if you live today or lived two thousand years ago.
This is 101 of the most inspiring, touching and helpful thoughts from the past on happiness.
What is your favorite quote on happiness? Feel free to share the best one(s) you have found in this article or in your life in the comments section below.
Everybody has that list that looks like an exercise book. All the things you plan to do on your birthday especially when its the big 18,21,25,30 and so on. Of course,everybody’s wish list is different,depending on the level of maturity.
However,for me,the most important thing about a birthday is acknowledging the fact that you are still alive,i mean you have lived for more than 10,20 years,whatever the case may be. As you are about to mark this very memorable event in your life,keep this in mind. Don’t wait for people to celebrate you. celebrate yourself,make yourself feel special. Remember,that day is all about you and you alone. It’s a ‘make yourself happy’ day,nothing more. Don’t overstress it. Wake up in the morning,stand in front of a mirror and say to yourself,’happy birthday gorgeous. You’ve been amazing. Purely awesome in fact’. It’s not being vain. It’s called self love. Appreciate yourself,take some time out. If you’re not one to throw a party,order a large pizza with a tub of icecream and go crazy with it. Go to an arcade,there are so many things you could do. Don’t stay gloomy on that day. You can even do a thanksgiving in church or have your own little praise jam in your room..anything really. If no one gets you gifts,get yourself a gift.
Take a look at some random facts about ‘birthday’
Some Random Birthday Plans
Basically,just do whatever suits you. But don’t go too crazy so you won’t start regretting the next day. Birthday gifts are up next
Heartbreak is one of those experiences that all of us as humans
Nigerian graduates keep complaining of lack of jobs in the country and yet it’s as if the Government is doing little or nothing about it over the years. The truth is, there are little or no jobs at all for the fresh/old graduates of the country currently but does that mean that they should just stay idle and waste with their numerous skills, potentials and talents? Absolutely no! that is why in this article I have compiled step by step guide On Vlogging that Nigerian ladies should venture into instead of taking marriage as a career plan as some do these days.
Online, there are several jobs to do that can actually yield some manageable amount of income to survive food and house rent wise and later on career basis. Below we will be elaborating more in few points, step by step for Vlogging that best suits Nigerian ladies who have certain skills that needs an online audience and that can in turn yield them some cash for up keep.
vlogging is a term that describes the act of making videos and uploading them to live streaming platforms such as Youtube, facebook, Instagram and more.
I know what most females are currently thinking right now. “but I don’t know how to shoot/edit a video and besides I don’t have a laptop or desktop” well that has been resolved these days of ours where there are different Apps on the android and windows smartphones such as Viva Video app , BeautyPlus and more. As a young lady that has the skills of making people up for weddings and other ceremonies, it is high time you create a job online for yourself.
By simply taking coverage of your make up jobs and other skills with your phone whenever you get a contract to make someone up at any event or even in your spare time. If you can’t afford a tripod to stable your smartphone while videoing, you can plead with a friend to help you video the make up process while you explain what you are doing in the video.
After making the video, then it’s time to get to Youtube to upload your video. If you don’t have a gmail, sign up and have one. It’s pretty simple. After that;
Login at youtube using your Gmail
Establish your dashboard with the necessary details/descriptions to help your potential audience understand what your youtube channel is all about.
Upload your video using the “upload” button on the youtube dashboard.
BUT HOW DO I EARN FROM ALL THESE?
I know you have been thinking of this all along the above processes of vlogging. Well, it’s easy to monetize videos on youtube as it’s integrated with Google Adsense through which you can earn some cash as your channel pulls lots and lots of views to itself. To achieve this, you can use the monetization button on the dashboard to achieve that.
Note: after applying to Google Adsense to approve your channel, it may take 24hrs or days/weeks before they reply or approve/disapprove it.
How Can I get Viewers to My Youtube Videos?
Uploading your videos on Youtube is not enough as you need to copy the link of the video and share on different platforms such as facebook, twitter, instagram, and the rest of them. From there, some persons may pick interest and watch and as well subscribe to your channel and share with friends. Just start with this first and see how it goes.
When you venture into Vlogging as a young lady, you have a lot more chances as your audience and the views your videos pull will also attract advertisers to your channel who may want you to upload their business short clip on your channel as they pay. Don’t let your skills/talents waste while you can actually male something out of it.
What’s your thought on this Business idea for Nigerian ladies?
A chauffeur worked for a woman who liked to take her cat with her on errands.
During one trip, the uniformed driver dropped her at a shopping mall before refueling. The cat remained in the car, lounging on top of the limousine’s back seat.
The confused service station attendant stole several glances at the feline passenger relaxing in back. Finally, he asked: “Sir, is that cat someone important?”
I don’t know about the cat, but I’ve wasted too many years not feeling especially important. Not that I am or ever have been any more important than anybody else. But my low self esteem as a child and young adult always had me wishing I could measure up to others. I failed to see who I really was and struggled to become the person I felt I could be.
The following story reminds me how important a healthy self-image really is:
A man found an eagle’s egg and put it in a nest of a barnyard hen. The eagle hatched with the brood of chicks and grew up with them. All his life, the eagle did what the barnyard chicks did, thinking he was a barnyard chicken. He scratched the earth for worms and insects. He clucked and cackled. And he thrashed his wings and flew a few feet in the air.
Years passed and the eagle grew very old. One day he saw a magnificent bird above him in the cloudless sky. It glided in graceful majesty among powerful wind currents, with scarcely a beat of its strong, golden wings.
The old eagle looked up in awe. “Who’s that?” he asked.
“That’s the eagle, the king of the birds,” said his neighbor. “He belongs to the sky. We belong to the earth – we’re chickens.”
So the eagle lived and died a chicken, for that is what he thought he was. (Author unknown)
You and I were meant for the skies – not the chicken coop. Who will believe in you if you don’t believe in yourself?
— Steve Goodier
”Winning doesn’t always mean being first. Winning means you are doing better than you’ve done before”(www.quotesvalley.com)
Success in every facet of life, starts by first developing and maintaining an expectant attitude of success. Simply put, if you want to succeed,you should expect that you are going to succeed, and because of this you will consistently take the actions that lead you to achieve their goals and become successful.
Winners never quit and quitters never win. It’s that simple. The hurdles and struggles are a part of your story,your thank you speech,your cookbook. Winston Churchill says; ”The pessimist sees difficulty in every opportunity. The optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty”.
Now,what is the difference between a pessimist and an optimist? An optimist built the aeroplane,the pessimist built the parachute. Point being that,unless you are ready to push yourself beyond what you are used to,you are not ready to become a winner. Take a look at some tips for a winning attitude
What’s that one thing you absolutely can’t do without? that thing that occupies your mind 24/7. You know it’s not good for you but you can’t help it. It just draws you in ‘like a moth to flame’
Most times, people only term the really bad stuff as addicting without paying mind to the little things we do that if we miss for a day, we might go crazy. For example, they say too much alcohol is bad for you, too much sex, masturbation, smoking, lying, stealing will kill you but what happens to the obsessive use of makeup that damages your skin cells/ or the addiction to junk food that gets you obese ,the excessive TV watching that spoils your eyes, the addiction to social media that takes you away from real life, everyday intake of sugar that gives you diabetes, obsession with making money that practically spells your doom or even the OCD[obsessive compulsive disorder]. Nobody is perfect. Even the most innocent ones have one addiction or the other.
The point is, an addiction is an addiction regardless of its nature and it is always dangerous because it becomes like a crazed obsession you can’t get rid of. However, here’s what you should do when you start noticing that it’s getting out of hand
“Tomorrow is often the busiest day of the week.”
“How soon ‘not now’ becomes ‘never’.”
“A year from now you may wish you had started today.”
One of the most common problems is procrastination. We know what we want to do and should do. But still we end up spending hours upon hours doing “easier” work or escaping via TV, blogs or music.
Now, nothing wrong with a little escape from time to time. But if you procrastinate too much you will not get the most important things done. And you will also send yourself into negative spirals where your self-esteem plummets and you spend your days or more in a vague negative funk.
So what can you do? Here are 7 timeless tips to help you to stop procrastinating and start living your life more fully. And if you want to then you can learn much more about becoming more productive, focused and minimizing stress in my training kit The Art of Relaxed Productivity.
“To think too long about doing a thing often becomes its undoing.”
A bit of planning can certainly help you to achieve what you want to achieve. A lot of planning and thinking tends to have the opposite effect.
You think and think and try to come up with “the perfect plan”. A plan where you don’t have to make mistakes, where you will never be rejected, where there will be no pain or difficulties. Such a thing does of course not exist. But as long as you work on that plan you can protect yourself.
“If you want to make an easy job seem mighty hard, just keep putting off doing it.”
”Putting off an easy thing makes it hard. Putting off a hard thing makes it impossible.”
George Claude Lorimer
By over thinking and putting things off you are not only trying to protect yourself from pain. You also make mountains out of molehills. The quotes above are so true it isn’t even funny. The more hours and days you put something off the worse it grows in your mind.
Because you are dwelling on it. And so it expands in your mind. And since you are putting it off you are probably thinking about it in a negative way. This makes a little thing a big Godzilla, a horrible beast that is threatening to ruin your life.
So plan a little and then take action.
Often you don’t even have to plan, you have been there before and you know what needs to be done. So stop thinking and just do it no matter how you feel and what you think. How you feel right now changes as quickly as the weather so it’s not the perfect guidance system or anything. And you don’t have to obey what it says (it’s not chains made of iron). You can just do what you know is right anyway.
“You don’t have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.”
Martin Luther King, Jr.
When you start to look too far into the future any task or project can seem close to impossible. And so you shut down because you become overwhelmed and start surfing the internet aimlessly instead. That is one of the reasons why it is good to plan for the future but then to shift your focus back to today and the present moment.
Then you just focus on taking the first step today. That is all you need to focus on, nothing else. By taking the first step you change you mental state from resistant to “hey, I’m doing this, cool”. You put yourself in state where you become more positive and open, a state where you may not be enthusiastic about taking the next step after this first one but you are at least accepting it. And so you can take the next step. And the next one after that.
The thing is, you can’t see the whole staircase anyway and it will shift and reveal itself along the way. That’s why the best of plans tend to fall apart at least a bit as you start to put it into action. You discover that your map of reality doesn’t look like reality.
“Do the hard jobs first. The easy jobs will take care of themselves.”
Maybe you have an important call to make that you also fear might be uncomfortable. Maybe you know you have gotten behind on answering your emails and have big pile to dig into. Maybe you have the last five pages of your paper to finish.
Whatever it may be, get it out of your way the first thing you do.
If you start your day this way you will feel relieved. You feel relaxed and good about yourself. And the rest of the day – and your to-do list – tends to feel a lot lighter and easier to move through. It’s amazing what difference this one action makes.
“In a moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing to do, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing.”
We feel bad when we sit on our hands and don’t take action because it’s unnatural. The natural thing is to be a decisive human and take action.
When you procrastinate you want to do something but you don’t take the action that is in alignment with that thought. You become conflicted within.
What you do always sends signals back to you about who you are. Sure, doing affirmations where you say to yourself that you are confident can help you. But taking the confident actions you want to take over and over again is what really builds your self confidence and a self-image of you being a confident person. When you procrastinate you lower your self esteem and send signals back to yourself that you are a ,well, a kinda lame and indecisive person.
“Procrastination is the fear of success. People procrastinate because they are afraid of the success that they know will result if they move ahead now. Because success is heavy, carries a responsibility with it, it is much easier to procrastinate and live on the “someday I’ll” philosophy.”
I think this is true. It’s easier to live on that “someday…” thought. It’s harder to just take action. To risk looking like a fool. To make mistakes, stumble and not avoid that pain. To take responsibility for your own life.
The easier choice can come with a sense of comfort, with a certain level of success, pangs of regret for all the things you never dared to do and a vague sense of being unfulfilled. You wonder about what would have happened if you had taken more action and more chances.
The harder choice gives you, well, who knows? But it will sure make your feel more alive.
“Nothing is so fatiguing as the eternal hanging on of an uncompleted task”
“Much of the stress that people feel doesn’t come from having too much to do. It comes from not finishing what they started.”
Not taking the first step to start accomplishing something can make you feel bad. But not finishing what you have started can also leave you in a sort of negative funk. You feel fatigued or stressed and sometimes you don’t even know why. It’s like someone zapped your inner power.
If that is the case, go over tasks and projects what you are currently involved in. Is there something there you know you want to finish but haven’t yet? Try to get that finished as soon as you can you will start to feel a whole lot better.
Just be careful. Don’t think you have to finish everything you started. If a book sucks, read something else. Using this as an excuse to quit something that feels hard or unfamiliar is not a good idea. But there is no law that says that everything has to be completed.
“Very little is needed to make a happy life; it is all within yourself, in your way of thinking.”
“Let us be grateful to people who make us happy, they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.”
Circumstances can certainly make life unhappy. But a part – often a big part – of unhappiness comes from our own thinking, behavior and habits.
In this article I’d like to share 7 of the most destructive daily habits that can create quite a bit of unhappiness within and in your own little world.
But I’ll also share what has worked, what has helped me to minimize or overcome these habits in my life.
1. Aiming for perfection.
Does life has to be perfect before you are happy?
Do you have to behave in a perfect way and get perfect results to be happy?
Then happiness will not be easy to find. Setting the bar for your performance at an inhuman level usually leads to low self-esteem and feeling like you are not good enough even though you may have had a lot of good or excellent results. You and what you do is never enough good enough except maybe once in a while when feels like something goes just perfect.
How to overcome this habit:
Three things that helped me to kick the perfectionism habit and become more relaxed:
2. Living in a sea of negative voices.
No one is an island. Who we socialize with, what we read, watch and listen to has big effect on how we feel and think.
It becomes a lot harder to be happier if you let yourself be dragged down by negative voices. Voices that tell you that life will in large part always be unhappy, dangerous and filled with fear and limits. Voices that watch life from a negative perspective.
How to overcome this habit:
Replacing those negative voices with more positive influences is very powerful. It can be like a whole new world opening up.
So spend more time with positive people, inspiring music and books, movies and TV-shows that make you laugh and think about life in a new way.
You can start small. For example, try reading an uplifting blog or book or listen to an audio book while eating your breakfast one morning this week instead of reading the paper or watching the morning news on TV.
3. Getting stuck in the past and future too much.
Spending much of your time in the past and reliving old painful memories, conflicts, missed opportunities and so on can hurt whole lot. Spending much of your time in the future and imagining how things could go wrong at work, in your relationships and with your health can build into horrifying nightmare scenarios playing over and over in your head. Not being here right now in life as it happens can lead to missing out on a lot of wonderful experiences.
No good if you want to be happier.
How to overcome this habit:
It is pretty much impossible to not think about the past or the future. And it is of course important to plan for tomorrow and next year and to try to learn from your past.
But to dwell on those things rarely help.
So I try as best as I can to spend the rest of my time, the big part of my time each day, with living in the now. Just being here right now and being fully focused on these words I am writing and later as I cook and eat my lunch and work out be fully focused on doing that.
Whatever I am doing I try to be there fully and not drift off into the future or past.
If I do drift off then I focus only on my breathing for a few minutes or I sit still and take in what is all around me right now with all my senses for a short while. By doing either of those things I can realign myself with the present moment again.
4. Comparing yourself and your life to others and their lives.
One very common and destructive daily habit is to constantly compare your life and yourself to other people and their lives. You compare cars, houses, jobs, shoes, money, relationships, social popularity and so on. And at the end of the day you pummel your self-esteem to the ground and you create a lot of negative feelings.
How to overcome this habit:
Replace that destructive habit with two other habits.
And remember, you can’t win if you keep comparing. Just consciously realizing this can be helpful. No matter what you do you can pretty much always find someone else in the world that has more than you or are better than you at something.
5. Focusing on the negative details in life.
Seeing the negative aspects of whichever situation you are in and dwelling on those details is a sure way to make yourself unhappy. And to drag down the mood for everyone around you.
How to overcome this habit:
Overcoming this habit can be tricky. One thing that has worked for me is to kick the perfectionism habit. You accept that things and situations will have their upsides and downsides rather than thinking that all details have to positive and excellent. You accept things as they are. This way you can let go emotionally and mentally of what is negative instead of dwelling on it and making mountains out of molehills.
Another thing that works is simply to focus on being constructive. Instead of focusing on dwelling and whining about the negative detail. You can do so by asking better questions. Questions like:
How can I turn this negative thing into something helpful or positive?
How can I solve this problem?
If I am faced with what I start thinking is a problem I may use a third solution, I may ask myself: who cares? I most often then realize that this isn’t really a problem in the long run at all.
6. Limiting life because you believe the world revolves around you.
If you think that the world revolves around you and you hold yourself back because you are afraid what people may think or say if you do something that different or new then you are putting some big limits on your life. How?
Well, you can become less open to trying new things and growing.You can think that the criticism and negativity you encounter is about you or that it is your fault all the time (while it in reality could be about the other person having bad week or you thinking that you can read minds). I have also found that my own shyness used to come from me thinking that people cared a great deal about what I was about to say or do.
How to overcome this habit:
7. Overcomplicating life.
Life can be pretty complicated. This can creates stress and unhappiness. But much of this is often created by us. Yes, the world may be becoming more complex but that doesn’t mean that we cannot create new habits that make your own lives a bit simpler.
How to overcome this habit:
Overcomplicating life can involve many habits but I’d like to suggest a few replacement habits to what have been a couple of my own most overcomplicating habits.
”everybody hates me. they won’t let me do what i want. i guess they are tired of me. no one loves me. maybe i’ll cut myself to get their attention. it hurts for a little while but then i get woozy,the blood starts flowing and i feel silence..like no one is there to judge me. it’s my own bliss,the only place i can escape to”.
Feeling down is a natural part of life. People hurt us,things go wrong,we lose people we really love through break ups or death or we are unable to accomplish the dreams and goals we set in our mind. However,when depression starts occurring frequently in our lives and prevents us from having interactions with people or even enjoying one’s life,there is a problem.
Now,depression is the cause of many suicides and unfulfilled dreams today. However,it is a highly curable condition. It is not a mood matter neither is it caused out of boredom. People in this condition should be treated with utmost cautiousness because the slightest issue can set them off.
There are some mistakes that individuals who suffer from depression make which are;
The most popular word for someone in this situation is ”you wouldn’t understand’‘. I probably wouldn’t but that’s not the crux of the matter. Research has proven that majority of young people are the ones who suffer depression for reasons that go as far as bullying and peer pressure. But then,rather than dwell on the issue of being depressed,here are some proffered solutions to getting over it