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RELATIONSHIP TIPS

Relationship Expert, Joro Olumofin offers rundown of tests men ought to run on ladies before marriage to figure out if they are wife material

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Relationship blogger and psychologist Joro Olumofin advised eligible bachelors to subject their prospective wives to series of tests to determine if they are really ‘wife material’.

He shared twenty tests and told men that it was advisable to try them all before considering marriage. According to him, if the woman doesn’t pass at least 15 of the tests, he should not marry her.

Some makes sense while some are extremely daft, like this two “Wake her up 3a.m. in the morning to make you Eba and soup“. and “Tell her to courtesy by kneeling while serving you food.” Is he serious? Unbelievable. Read the rest after the cut…

“Wake her up 3a.m. in the morning to make you Eba and soup
“Tell her to go natural, No makeup, weavons or attachments.

“Tell her to courtesy by kneeling while serving you food.

“Tell her to add your mom, dad and all siblings in social media and bbm.

“Tell her she can’t watch Zeeworld or Telemundo anymore.

“Tell her your mother will be cooking for you.”

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4 Tips On Handling Conflict In Your Relationship

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Here are 4 tips to handling conflicts in a relationship:
1. Don’t Argue In Public:
Conflicts should never be dealt with in a setting where other people can eavesdrop in. What ends up happening is either you or her will feel like you’ve been put on the spot. Like before, maintain your composure and wait until you get home before continuing. And if she is the one that starts the conflict, then in a calm manner let her know that you two will deal with it later and then talk about something else.

2. Keep Your Emotions Under Control:
Don’t let your emotions get out of control, keep your cool even if she’s screaming in your face. Yes I know how hard it can be to keep your cool. But try your best to keep your emotions and especially your ACTIONS under control. It will make things a lot easier and allows you to see her side of the story without letting your animal instincts come out and try to “win” the argument.

3. Really Listen To What She Is Saying:
Don’t do anything else but listen to her. There is a reason why the issue came up. Shut up and listen to her viewpoint while having zero judgments. Look past what she’s saying and really see how what she’s saying impacts the relationship. When she realises that you’re really listening and trying to understand her viewpoint, she will lower her defenses. This will cause her to be more open to what you have to say about the issue.

4. Don’t Let It Become Immature:
You’re not going to make things better by calling her names or making your friends pick sides. This is something that only you and her will have to deal with. It is good to get another person’s perspective on things but ultimately, how the issue is handled should be up to you. And please do not resort to being physical with her.

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Actor Majid Michel gives marriage and relationship tip

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The Ghanaian actor shared these wise words about marriage and relationships on his IG page. Read below

You should build “YOU” before you ever think about building a marriage. “i will die without you.” “i cannot live without you.” “if you go away, my world will crumble.” who said these are romantic statements? Those statements are not romantic!

They reflect an addictive dependency. instead of being addicted to a substance, you are addicted to a person. “i need a man.” “i need a woman.” No!! you need God!! and you need His holiness. God is saying, “please get your act together as an unmarried person. Get your standards and values settled”. if you cannot control your emotions, your passions, your feelings, your attitudes, your bad habits or your behavior as you are single now, then you are not prepared for marriage. if you need to get married to be fulfilled or loved, you are not ready for marriage. The very thing that makes you need to get married will become the problem in your marriage. Men, before you go chasing a woman, make sure she is someone you can chase until death do you part. Discover yourself first. Know yourself and find yourself through Christ before you start looking for a partner. All your secrets and depression and frustration and baggage and all your issues. if you look at yourself, you yourself will not want to take yourself home. Yet you want someone to take you home. i’m scared of anyone who is impatient for marriage. Cos u are just a parasite looking for a host. Be an asset to your partner not a deficit.

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4 Misleading Relationship Advice

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Relationships are delicate, whether it is a romantic or familial relationship or simply a friendship. Many individuals, bodies or organizations often introduce or ‘reveal’ what they consider groundbreaking advice on relationships in attempt to make it better. Unfortunately, people take these advices without putting much consideration into it and find themselves in a fix when said advices fail.

 

Jumia Travel shares 4 misleading relationship advices in circulation and alternatives that can be of help instead. However, it is important to be aware of the fact that no one knows it all, you thus have to give thought to every advice that you are given and determine for yourself if it is sensible enough to follow.

 

RELATIONSHIPS SHOULD BRING JOY AND NOT SADNESS

There are aspects of a relationship that are pure bliss, but to say that a relationship should continually bring joy relates the experience of being in a relationship to a fairytale. Relationships should not bring you sadness, but the truth is sometimes they do. If you are not prepared for this truth, you go into a relationship, especially a romantic relationship, and find yourself taken by surprise. You then conclude that because of a number sad moments in your relationship, it is has failed to give you joy and thus promptly end the relationship.

 

In relationships of any kind, especially those that you go into rather being born into, patience is key. Make peace with the fact that relationships do bring sadness, even though we don’t want it to be so. Weigh how much joy your relationship brings you against how much sadness it brings? Think of it critically. Decide how much of the not so beautiful parts of a relationship you are willing to endure before you decide to let go.

 

For relationships you are born into, blood relationships for example, even if things get ugly you can’t just opt out. Even if it does bring you more sadness than pain, you unfortunately cannot opt out of it so easily because blood ties are strong and nearly unbreakable. You must learn to make peace with such relationships and find a way to deal with it. You’ll eventually pull through.

 

TELL EACH OTHER EVERYTHING

This is a tricky one. But please don’t tell you partner or friend or sibling or parent in a relationship everything, especially if they do not ask. Instead of blurting out every sordid detail to them, pay them the greatest respect by giving them a choice – ask them if they want to know.

 

If you must be honest, don’t rob the person you are being honest to of their right to choose to know what you want to share. Pay them this respect and they will appreciate you for it, even if they end up not liking what you have to say. Remember; let it be their choice not yours.

 

HE/SHE SHOULD LOVE YOU THE WAY YOU ARE

For a moment, think about someone or something you really love. Ask yourself if you have at any point tried to either make improvements to or make better that person or thing. Why do you then want someone to settle for you, without trying in some way to help you get better?

 

You try to improve what you love. You buy expensive clothes for your mother or father who cannot afford to buy expensive clothes, because you want them to look good, you want them to look better. You send your children to better schools than yourself, because you want them to have better opportunities than you did. You willingly share your salary with your siblings, so they can have enough money to afford some of the things you couldn’t afford when you were in the same position as they were, because you want to see them better. Trying to help the one you love improve and get better is a sign of love and acceptance. It is a sign that you are their only option, so they want to help you be the best of yourself.

 

See this as an expression of love, listen to them and try to make the improvements they suggest as much as you can. But with every advice, there is the option of taking or leaving it. When they make suggestions of improvements that are outside what you can accommodate or compromise, let them know. However they react to it is their choice, as you have already made yours. But the crux of the matter is do not reject your partner for trying to make you better, understand it as an expression of love and react to it with this knowledge.

 

FIGURE OUT YOUR RELATIONSHIP ISSUES YOURSELF OR WITH YOUR PARTNER

No man is an island and even in relationships, you both cannot exist apart from everyone else. However, the fact that you should share your issues doesn’t mean you should share it with friends or family members. Please don’t. Instead share issues that you and your partner know in your heart cannot be solved between yourselves, with a professional – a third party that is not only experienced in their discipline but also has no personal connection to the two of you, someone who cannot in the long run take sides. For this reason, there a marriage counselors around the country and even in churches (for the Christians among you).

Please you cannot solve every issue in your relationship on your own or with your partner. Accept this truth and get help – the right help.

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Ten Signs That Say He’s A Player

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Always having mixed feelings about that guy? Whether or not he’s into you? Or is he just out to get you? Fret no more. Follow this list to see if your man is actually everybody’s man,especially when he starts acting off.

He can’t remember your name; This should be like the most obvious sign. He ain’t your man if he can’t even remember who you are. keep in mind that ‘baby’ or ‘sweetheart’ is not a name,its an endearment

 

He keeps comparing you to other girls; Your man ought to appreciate you the way you are. If he keeps comparing you to other girls,then its likely to be that he’s with those other girls. His eye is already outside so don’t try to change who you are because of him. It won’t change anything. Guys who love you tend to not care about how you look and how you smell, they love you for who you are And not the amount of makeup you can wear for them. But if the guy you’re seeing complains a lot, even when you’re looking your best,he says you could look better, every effort you make seems to go to waste And your feelings end up getting hurt in the end, you’re probably with a player!

 

Is evasive about personal things;You’re unlikely to hear about a player’s dreams, aspirations, insecurities, etc.  Good players don’t want to tell you anything that could be used against them, and really, what’s the use of opening up to someone you don’t view as a potential partner?

 

He never has time for you; When a guy truly loves you, he treasures every single moment he spends with you. He knows your time is valuable and he always makes sure he gets to spend plenty of time with you and never says no to meeting you. Its not a lap dog thingy. Its a matter of interest. But if the guy you’re seeing cancels a lot of plans with you, he makes plans and then bails at the last minute, it might be because he had someone else to meet who was more important. Don’t get me wrong, canceling on plans isn’t always a big deal, everyone gets busy every once in a while, but if it seems to happen every other day,then you’re being played on.

 

He has a myriad of female friends; Its not bad for him to have a female friend or two but when he turns into customer care agent because of them,then there’s a problem. There’s nothing wrong with guys having female friends as much as there’s nothing wrong with girls having male friends. But if they have an unhealthy amount of female friends, so much so that they are Always on the phone with one or the other, even when you’re hanging out with them he’s talking about some other friend of his and doesn’t pay attention to what you have to say, it is a clear sign of you being played and You need to move on! better fishes in the sea baby.

 

Pushes for intimacy on the first date; Players know that modern girls are flakes. Whether they put value on the immediate one night stand doesn’t matter. They know they have to push the interaction as far as possible to get the girl invested and maximize the chance she will return.If you’re with a guy who would rather be in bed with you than talk to you, you’re not with the right guy and He’s playing on you. Physical intimacy is important in every relationship but it shouldn’t DEFINE the relationship. If the guy you’re seeing just always rushes to intimacy and doesn’t even ask you how you’re feeling, if by any chance you say no to him he throws a huge fit about it and start blaming you for everything, you’re with a player and you need to stop seeing him!

 

He is the most charming; Nerds are hardly flirts. Chances are that he practices what he says in front of a mirror everyday and regardless of how charming he may be,keep in mind that you’re not the only girl he says them to. He’s good with the ladies yunno

 

He Doesn’t Discuss Deep Issues With You; If a guy truly loves you,he should be able to open up to you on deep personal issues affecting him and how you can solve it together. If that doesn’t happen and all you discuss are shallow baseless topics,then the relationship is doomed even before it begins. If all he does is talk like a flirt,then he has no intention of being serious with you.

 

Avoids PDA at all costs, especially if he’s better looking than you; The player needs some plausible deniability should he run into one of his other conquests. He also doesn’t want to devalue himself in the eyes of women or other men if he is with someone beneath his level

 

Won’t let you snoop through his phone; Hell nah! There is no way he is going to let you go through his phone if he is a player,unless of course,he has filtered it and only has what you want to see there.

So ladies,take good note of these attitudes next time you’re with your man.

 

 

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9 Ways In Which Dating Helps You Keep Slim

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We all know those women who never seem to order a salad at dinner or ever moan about starting a diet but yet they stay so slim, but why? The reasons why they stay so easily slim are because they are dating. Many women don’t realize how much dating can actually help keep them slim.

There are a number of different reasons why dating can help keep us slim which can be seen in this blog post. At a glance, it would be easy to say that they are in fact doing all the things that standard diets say not to do. It can be very frustrating to see them enjoying brownies when we’re stuck eating a bunch of leaves.

Here is how dating can help keep women slim and how we can start eating and thinking like a dater:

1.     They Have Treats On Dates

While we’re looking forward to having a piece of dark chocolate on Friday night, they are looking forward to their date. They don’t look forward to having treats because they usually share a dessert with their date anyway. They look forward to the date itself more than the treat. This means that during the week their mind isn’t constantly thinking about food and naughty treats. They are more likely thinking about what they are going to wear and have their hair like. This frame of thinking is what helps them avoid naughty treats without even knowing it.

2.     They Talk A Lot Over Dinner

When we eat dinner at home, we usually just have our heads down and eat without much conversation. This means that we are eating our food fast and probably not digesting it properly. Women who are dating will be more likely to talk a lot more over dinner with their date as they get to know each other and have fun. They will be eating a lot slower which means they’re body is able to better break down the food and digest it.

3.     They Eat Non Processed Foods On Dates

On a Friday night after a long week at work, we’re more likely to head to the take away or have a microwave meal than cook a meal from scratch. While we’re eating our way through a processed meal, women who are dating are out eating a freshly cooked meal at a restaurant.

When looking at ways to get slim or stay slim we see nearly all diets listing processed foods on the list of things to avoid. Instead of heading to the take away or a microwave meal on a Friday night, head to a restaurant to save time cooking.

4.     They Have High Self Esteem

Women who are dating will more than likely have high self-esteem because they are feeling confident from the attention they’re getting from the men or man they’re dating. Women who have low self-esteem tend to binge eat as they feel a bit low. When we are feeling low, it is natural to want to turn to comfort food. To avoid this happening, go out with your girlfriends and take up new hobbies to improve your self-esteem.

5.     They Cook Fresh Meals At Home

When women who date aren’t going out to restaurants, they are cooking meals for their dates at home for a cozier environment. Because they are trying to impress the man they are dating with their culinary skills, they cook some of the healthiest dinners. This is because they will likely use fresh ingredients and experiment with different ingredients and flavors. Women who are in long term relationships can do this too though. They can treat their man to a beautiful gourmet style meal every week using the freshest ingredients.

6.     They Don’t Count Calories

When eating out at a restaurant, women who date tend not to count the calories as it could potentially take some of the romance and fun out of the date. When they cook a meal at home for their date, they won’t count calories because they know that he will need a good hearty meal and not salad to win him over. Sometimes counting calories can lead to stress and stress can actually lead to weight gain and slower metabolism. Food should always be enjoyed and not counted. Listen to what your body wants and what it does not want instead.

7.     They’re More Conscious Of Their Appearance

Women who date take more time on their looks than women who are in relationships. They tend to set more boundaries while dating in terms of letting themselves go, as they are still at a stage where they want to grab the attention of men and impress them with their appearance as well as personality. Therefore they make more of an effort to hit the gym, to go for regular hair trims and to perfect their makeup. It is all too easy to get too comfortable in a relationship and forget about your appearance. Start hitting the gym or go running to stay slim.

8.     They Rarely Feel The Blues

Because women who date are always out and about having fun, they rarely feel the blues that other women might feel. Because they don’t feel the blues, they are less likely to turn to comfort food and binge eat. It is natural for us to turn to food when we’re feeling a bit low. When feeling low, hit the gym and work it out instead of turning to comfort food. The alternative is to make improvements in your life so that you don’t feel the blues regularly.

9.     They Shake What Their Mamma Gave Them

Women who are dating regularly go out to town with their girlfriends and spend most of the night on their feet dancing. While some women are spending 30 minutes a day doing a boring workout, other women are out enjoying themselves and dancing for hours through the night. There is no better workout then letting go and having fun on the dancefloor. Every woman should make time to go out with their girlfriends and dance the night away.

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5 COMMON LIES WOMEN TELL!

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Women tell lies, men tell lies, this post is not regarding who lie pass (btw who lie pass?) however about the basic ones we’ve heard again and again from women. Dear women, you’ve been busted. Men know when you’re  utilizing these words for your advantage.

I’M ON MY PERIOD

Women have been know to use this to get out of compromising situations. Hubby wants some action but she’s tired,  so she says, “I’m on my period“. Hopefully the man will turn away. Does she want just  cuddling and “romancing” but does not want to take it to the next level? “I’m on my period”. Guys, even though the chances of this being a lie is true, respect this lie and STOP. Don’t make a yamayama statement like “It doesn’t matter“…it’s disgor!

I CAME

If you don’t know what this means, then you have no business knowing what it is. After giving her action, left right centre, bursting all your Kung-Fu moves then panting and sweating you turn to her and ask, “did you come?” Bros, if you have to ask, then she probably did not come. Na only you waka come. But of course, a lot of women would rather say yes than bruise a man’s ego.

JUST 5 MINUTES

I cannot count how many times my husband has asked if I’m ready and I respond with “Just 5 minutes“. Guys, don’t take it literally. Don’t set a timer and start counting down…give an extra 15 minutes. This is a little white lie that is not supposed to hurt a fly.

AGE

A lot of women will not even bother telling the truth about this, but it all depends on who is asking. She might throw around “I’m in my early thirties” or “mid twenties“…but never “I’m tatyfife”! LOL. Especially in public!  You will have to hunt down that original birth certificate.

I’M OK

If you know that you have erred yet you ask a woman and she say’s she’s OK,  “No Problem“…don’t believe all is well. Hopefully you have an intuition. That she say’s she’s Okay does not mean she is. Watch her body language.

These are a few white lies women tell, what other ones do you know?

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10 Signs His Feelings For You Run WAY Deeper Than You Think

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Keep an eye out around guys who do things like these, because they may actually be in love with you. Here are 10 signs a guy loves you that you shouldn’t ignore.

1. It always seems like he has something more he wants to say.

More often than not, guys know they want to tell you how they feel but they often worry that they can’t. Whether it’s because he’s just terrified of admitting feelings, it’s shocking how many guys out there will just bottle it up because they feel like they just can’t say something. If your gut says he wants to say more, chances are he does.

2. He seems like he’s scared to tell you his true feelings about random subjects.

You’d be surprised at how many guys will also turn into total doormats around girls they like. If he regularly rolls over or backpedals, he’s way more into you than he lets on.

3. He seems to make a point out of being super chivalrous.

When a guy goes out of his way to treat you delicately, it’s usually for a special reason. If he regularly buys you drinks but doesn’t do the same for other guys, he might see you as more than just a friend.

4. When other girls are around him in your presence, he makes a point of distancing himself from them.

Guys will often make a point of showing who they want to be with, even if girls are already all over them.

5. When you two talk over the phone, there’s always a long pause.

This goes hand in hand with the whole “wanting to say more” thing. When a guy is interested in you but feels like he has no chance, he often won’t know what to say. Ergo, he’ll start having awkward pauses.

6. He goes full Papa Bear on you.

If a guy is into you, there’s a very high chance that he’ll get protective or even a bit possessive of you. If you notice that he regularly gets macho around other guys, he might end up confessing his feelings for you.

7. He seems particularly hurt if you go on an anti-male rant around him.

8. You get the feeling he’s trying to impress you.

If someone has a crush on you, they will try to flaunt themselves around you.

9. Mutual friends point out that you two would be cute together.

10. When you two are alone, he is clearly nervous.

Whether it’s turning beet red and choking on words or just having verbal diarrhea, most of the time, girls will know when guys are nervous around them. Guys don’t get nervous from people they see as “just friends,”

capiche?

 

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See these 5 Sex Myths that will blow your mind

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There’s a lot of weird stories and sexual hearsays about sex that people have grown up with for years, most of these enduring beliefs and myths about sex are really not true and most times ruin the fun.

Myth: The first time will always bleed or hurt
A woman’s first time doesn’t have to look like the red wedding. The hymen is simply a thin tissue. Women with a thin hymen hardly bleed while those with a thick membrane bleed more. It is possible for the hymen to break without a woman even realising it, during activities like swimming, exercising and horseback riding. While some discomfort is expected the first time, if it hurts a lot, it could mean lack of lubrication or a medical issue.

Myth: Women don’t watch porn
Not only are an increasing number of women watching porn, they’re watching it for longer than men! A 2015 study by the website Pornhub found that the worldwide average for a woman watching porn was 10 minutes and 10 seconds, compared to 9 minutes 22 seconds for men. The same study put India’s female porn-watching population at 30 percent, up from 26 percent in 2014.

Myth: Too much sex can make the vagina loose
Rest assured, the penis has no superpowers that can permanently change the shape and size of the vagina in any lasting ways. The vagina is an elastic organ, programmed to go back to its original size after sex, no matter how much and how many times it stretches to accommodate a big penis or a toy. Unless a penis is the size of a baby, the vagina is not going to become “loose” or bigger due to too much sex.

Myth: Bigger is better
A big penis has an evolutionary benefit, and little more. A longer penis can displace a rival male’s sperm in a woman’s vagina, ensuring that his own genes are passed on instead. A 2002 study published in the journal, European Urology, found that only 1 percent of women consider penis size very important for sexual pleasure, and 31 percent felt that girth mattered more than length. According to a 2012 study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine, only women who preferred penile-vaginal intercourse said they climax more easily with longer penises.

Myth: Condoms ruin the fun
No, no, it’s nothing like showering with a raincoat on. According to a 2015 study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine, 38 percent men said that condoms had no effect on their ability to experience sexual pleasure while 32 percent claimed that condoms affected their ability to maintain an erection. But here’s where things get interesting; the study also found that men who blame condoms for difficulties during sex are more likely to suffer from erectile dysfunction even when they weren’t using condoms. Another study, at the Indiana University, found that most men who complained about condoms impairing sexual pleasure were young, sexually inexperienced and anxious about their performance. Another possible reason for condoms receiving a bad rap is that an alarming 30 percent men in the 2015 study claimed they had never actually been taught how to put on a condom.

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5 Signs You Talk Too Much About Your Relationship & Why You Need To Stop Immediately

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If you do this, Its a very bad habit you need to stop immediately.

You should learn to resolve your dispute or tackle your problem yourself when you are in a Relationship.

Discussing or keeping your Friends posted about anything that happens in your Relationship is the beginning of Relationship misfortune.Here are some things you need to know below.

1. You Post All Your Moments On Social Media

Close friends likely don’t mind seeing photos of the two of you all dressed up at a wedding or on a tropical vacation together. But it’s not necessary to make your boyfriend your ‘Man Crush Monday’ every single week. In fact, consider it a social media mistake.

2. You Friends Know All The Details Of Your Relationship

It’s important for your friends to know that you couldn’t make the movie on Friday night because you were celebrating your one-year anniversary with your significant other; but if they know your S.O.’s favorite childhood book or how they take their coffee, chances are you’re sharing too much.

3. But You Don’t Know The Details Of Your Friends Relatonships

 If you find that your friend knows a lot more details about your significant other than you do about theirs, try making the conversation more even. When you mention something about your partner, try asking a question about your friend’s S.O., too.

4. You Try To Make Others Jealous Using Your Relationship

You talk about your relationship way too much if you’re always letting people know that you have a significant other or that your partner is taken. If people don’t ask, they typically don’t want to hear about it. (Are you making people jealous just because you’re secretly concerned about your relationship’s stability?

5. You’re Bothered About How Others View Your Relationship

If you constantly want to get other people’s advice on things that your partner does or doesn’t do, it could be a sign that you talk about your relationship too much. You should be dating your significant other because she makes you happy, not because of what someone else thinks.

 

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Doktor Mofin – “Any lady who is yellow skinned & constantly moves with 5 or more other ‘yellow skinned’ ladies is a runs girl”

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Relationship blogger, Adejoro Olumofin, listed ways to identify a ‘runs girl’ and one of the characteristics he listed is that they are light skinned and hang with other light skinned ladies.

According to him, a ‘runs girl’ is “any lady who is blatantly lazy or not content with her salary, income, allowance because her personal income can’t get her to her destination.

She uses her beauty and physical attributes to gain monetary favors, promotion, land, cars , jewelry from any man who is willing to pay”.

He also listed other factors that he claims helps one identify such girls. See a screenshot below and tell if you agree with him;

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Move your relationship from Good to Great

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1. Do the things you did the first year you were dating.

As the months and years roll on, we tend to slink into our proverbial sweatpants and get lazy in our relationship. We lose our patience, gentleness, thoughtfulness, understanding and the general effort we once made toward our mate. Think back to the first year of your relationship and write down all the things you used to do for your partner. Now start doing them again.

2. Ask for what you want.

Over time, we assume that our partner knows us so well that we don’t need to ask for what we want. What happens when we make this assumption? Expectations are set and just as quickly, they get deflated. Those unmet expectations can leave us questioning the viability of our partnership and connection. Keep in mind that “asking for what you want” extends to everything from emotional to sexual wants.

3. Become an expert on your partner.

Think about who your mate really is and what excites him or her (both physically and emotionally). We can become consumed by what WE THINK he/she wants, as opposed to tuning in to what truly resonates with the other person. Remember that if it’s important to your partner, it doesn’t have to make sense to you. You just have to do it.

4. Don’t ask “how was your day.”

At the end of a long day, we tend to mentally check out of our lives and consequently, our relationship. We rely on the standard question, “How was your day?” Generally, that boring question will yield a boring answer such as, “Fine, how was yours?” This does nothing to improve your connection and instead, can actually damage it because you’re losing the opportunity to regularly connect in a small way.

Instead, try asking things like, “What made you smile today?” or “What was the most challenging part of your day?” You’ll be amazed at the answers you’ll get, with the added benefit of gaining greater insight into your significant other.

5. Create a weekly ritual to check in with one another.

It can be short or long but it begins with asking each other what worked and didn’t work about the previous week and what can be done to improve things this coming week. Additionally, use this opportunity to get on the same page with your schedules, plan a date night and talk about what you would like to see happen in the coming days, weeks, and months in your relationship. Without an intentional appointment to do a temperature check, unmet needs and resentments can build.

6. Keep it sexy.

What might change in your relationship if both you and your partner committed to increasing the behaviors you each find sexy and limiting those that aren’t? Think about this in the broadest form. “Sexy” can certainly refer to bedroom preferences, but it also represents what excites us about our mate in our day-to-day lives. Do you find it sexy if he/she helps with the housework? Do you find it “unsexy” when he/she uses the restroom with the door wide open? Talk about what it specifically means to “keep it sexy” in your relationship. Be amazed, be humored, be inspired!

7. Get creative about the time you spend together.

Break out of the “dinner and a movie” routine and watch how a little novelty can truly rejuvenate your relationship. On a budget and can’t go big? Jump on the internet to look for “cheap date ideas” and be blown away at the plethora of options. Can’t afford a sitter? Try swapping babysitting time with friends that have kids. It’s free and they will likely be thrilled to take your kids because they will get to take advantage when they drop their kids at your place.

8. Get it on.

Unless you have committed to an asexual partnership, sex, sexual contact and touching (kissing, holding hands, cuddling etc.) are vital components of a romantic relationship. The frequency is of course, up to you and it’s imperative that you discuss your ideas about it in order to prevent resentment. Rare are the moments when both partners are “in the mood” at the exact same second, but that doesn’t mean that you have to decline their advances. Remind yourself that you will almost always “get there” after the first few minutes and that an intimate interaction of any kind builds connection and elevates your mood and health. Bear in mind that you are never required to say “yes.” If you truly don’t feel it, the best thing you can do is to postpone. Just make sure that you initiate or accept within a reasonable amount of time thereafter.

9. Take a (mental) vacation, everyday.

Life and work distractions can become paramount in our minds and that leaves little time or energy for our partner. Practice the art of “Wearing the Relationship Hat.” This means that (barring any emergencies or deadlines), we are fully present when we’re with our mate. We truly hear what they are saying (instead of pretending to listen), we leave our distractions behind and we don’t pick them up again until the sun comes up and we walk out the door.

Some tips to improve communication

Sadly, we aren’t born with the innate ability to effectively communicate but it doesn’t mean that we can’t learn. Use the following techniques to better navigate and limit the tension in your relationship:

10. Take “fight breaks” when you need them.

Before you’ve hit the point of no return and as you see the stress beginning to escalate, one or both of you can call a break so that cooler heads can prevail. The crux of this tool lies in the fact that you must pick a specific time to revisit the conversation (I.e. 10 minutes from now, 2:00pm on Tuesday etc.) so that closure can be achieved.

11. Dig deep to unearth your true feelings.

In most disagreements, we communicate from the “Top Layer,” which are the obvious emotions such as anger, annoyance and the like. Leading from this place can create confusion, defensiveness and ultimately distract from the real issue. Start communicating from the “Bottom Layer” (i.e. What feelings are really driving your reactions such as disappointment, rejection, loneliness, disrespect etc.).

This type of expression creates an instant sense of empathy because it requires honesty and vulnerability to share from this space. Tension will dissipate and from here, solutions can spring. Just be sure to use kind, non-reactive phrasing when expressing these bottom layer feelings, such as “I felt hurt by…” as a replacement for “You’re such a jerk” etc.

12. Seek to understand … not agree.

Easy in concept, difficult in application. Conversations quickly turn to arguments when we’re invested in hearing our partner admit that we were right or when we are intent on changing his/her opinion. Choose to approach a conversation as an opportunity to understand your significant other’s perspective as opposed to waiting for them to concede. From this perspective, we have an interesting dialogue and prevent a blow out or lingering frustration.

13. Make your apology count.

It’s well understood that apologizing is a good thing but it only makes a real impact when you mean it. Saying things like “I’m sorry you feel that way” or “I’m sorry you see it that way” are a waste of time and breath. Even if you don’t agree that your action was wrong, you will never successfully argue a feeling.

Accept that your mate feels hurt and from this place, a real apology can have a significant impact. When you love your partner and hurt them (intentionally or not) you can always legitimately apologize for the pain you caused regardless of your perspective on what you did or didn’t do.

You are now, officially armed with the comprehensive exercise routine to fully reshape your relationship. Trim the fat and build your hottest relationship for life!

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